My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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