I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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