It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
