u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
