We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
