I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
