my sisters under your porch take her home
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
