I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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