i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
