you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
