You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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