My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
