She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
