If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
