Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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