I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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