Your dad touched me again.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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