I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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