oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
