You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
