didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
