P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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