...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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