btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
