His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
