I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
