Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
