obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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