Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
