I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sobbing to NWA
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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