I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
