apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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