the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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