He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
