Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
