be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
