I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
