mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
