So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
