girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
