Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
