We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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