Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
