At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
