i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
