I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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