he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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