today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
