Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
