using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
