did you get engaged???
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
