i was born a porn star she said
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
