I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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