I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
