Kiss
Puke
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
